Our Educational Research presentation is tomorrow.

I'm so scared. Have we done enough ? What if we missed something or we overlooked certain aspects ?


The WHAT IF is sooo scary. Oh Lord halppp. Never been this scared for an assignment. I mean, this research is easier than the other one;- linguistic research.

If I am this scared , what will happen next week for that study ?

*hyperventilates




*hyperventilates more



Ya Allah please don't let this semester be futile


Updated : Alhamdulillah everything went well. Both Doctors were okay with it. I was so nervous in the hall as Ngoi presented before us hahaha (mannn he is one scary guy. His team is like the over achiever group of our batch lol). But we just presented and seemed like people paid attention and at the end of it, as I was waiting for questions and tembakan peluru from the panels, they said "No question. It is thoroughly planned and we like it." THANK GOD. Was definitely not expecting that. After countless sleepless nights, to hear those words coming out from Dr's mouth, I swear it's the most beautiful words I've ever heard. This viva had been going on for many days and seeing how they questioned other groups were scary, I kid you not. 

And to hear them saying they liked ours *cries a bucket. 

The feeling before and after the presentation was soooooo different. Ya Allah. Ease the linguistic research. We're still struggling with our data, hopefully everything is well. Amiin. Yang linguistic ni, tak harapkan dapat miracle pun in our findings. Nak settle and as long as we have enough proofs to support previous researches je :'(

Another update: On the next day, Dr announced that our group won the 1st runner up and Ngoi's won the 1st place. However, we weren't there because we didn't attend the lecture because we had to finish our linguistic research. I felt terrible. Dr wanted to show her appreciation by rewarding us with some cash and we played truant. I hope she knew we didn't have much choice, our group is so behind for linguistic :(

Curry Tree

If you have learned from my Insta stories, you will know that in Penang, I have a few pet plants. Vera Wang, Aloe Vader, a few lemon-grasses, a baby chili plant and ... a melodramatic baby curry tree. Or a very melodramatic curry tree.

The curry tree was given by Mayra's mom and because of her generosity (and because I really wanted to befriend her), I tried my very best to keep the plant alive. I put it in the living room balcony, so that it could get a direct sunlight. However, it was very ungrateful and kicked my consideration out of the window. 

The plant decided to die. Like, literally die. Kering kontang, daun ditiup angin berlalu, begitu rapuh dan ampuh sekali. That was how her first death was recorded; all of the leaves were gone.

“What else do you want? I watered you, I put you under sunlight, at least let me harvest you first.” *throws it from the balcony. Kidding. It's illegal to throw things from the balcony haha. 

With my heart broken like a shattered glass, I took it to the front door, hoping it would revive if I water it every day (only watered it once every 2 days before) and there would be more sunlight there too.
Maybe after hearing my constant whine on what a drama queen it had been, it came back to life after a few days.

It came back to life (I don’t know how but yes it did 🙃). The resilience.

But it only lasted as long as Mayra's determination to quit hoarding. It didn't last long. It died again afterwards. -___-

To make it even worse, as I was recording an Insta story, announcing about it's second death, the last branch of hanging leaves suddenly flew all over the place, like a slap to my face.

HEY, what point are you trying to prove here ? By embarrassing me in front of my online friends like that... HOW DARE.

So yeah. That’s the end of the story. Eventually, I gave up. People said third time is the charm... but the plant already  died twice. What kind of people grow plant only to make it die countlessly? Definitely not me.

Also, I'm so sorry, Mayra's mom. I tried my best. So.... 👉🏻👈🏻 I hope we're still bff? No?

Nana and her Instagram feeds

Since Allia no longer live with us and Nana is very into a themed Instagram posts these days, the duty of taking photos inevitably fell into my hands. 

Nana's determination is as high as the famous Burj Khalifa in ensuring that her photos are insta-worthy and come with the package of hilarious captions. As effortless as the photos might have looked like, the 'behind the scenes' beg to differ. That woman could go from changing 3-5 attires (if we're home) to finding 3-5 possible spots (if we're outside) just for her OOTD photos. I tell you, it's nothing close to effortless.

IF AND ONLY SHE'S AS DETERMINED IN THE LECTURES. 

Just saying. 

Nevertheless, I don't think that I'm at par with her demand for good photos but of course, she had no other choice but to accept the fate that has befallen on her, as long as she looks thin and tall in the photos. 

For instance, this photo down here is not even centred but yeah, who cares. The lady looks smoking hot like the mother of dragons in it. That matters. 

Without doubt, after taking her photos, she would attempt me with the question "You want me to take your photo?" in order to return my small favour. Well, I couldn't be more grateful that she masters her etiquette very well. Your parents must be proud of you. 

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Of course. Thank you, Anis Farhana. I look very slim too, thanks to the angle. 
Just, ikhlas ke tak ambik ni?

Bountiful Hikmahful Path

I was browsing my draft from my old blog post earlier this morning in my desperate attempt to retrieve my photos. Gosh. So many memories, so many stupid things. Haha.

I remember when I first started this blog (after a few other blogs were forgotten), it was after my PLKN and I was so bored at home. A few weeks later, I received my SPM result (which post I've hidden)

Rereading on how I had a severe fever during the big exam and having my parents to come and pick me up from the hostel, I remember how I used to lie on the bed for two days straight, was not able to wake up, couldn't even call my parents. My roommates surely felt bad for me but they were in the battlefield themselves, yet I feel glad that they were the ones who called my parents. Since our last few papers were during school holiday, there was no warden at that time and their last resort was to call my parents.

I remember Mak telling me, "It's okay, you have tried," because I was so frustrated I couldn't make her proud. Crying was the only thing I did. All I could think of was, "after all of the effort I put in studying and going to tuitions, I flushed them all during the D-day."

But Mak was the best, she just told me to pray and to always remember that

no matter how hard I tried, it is for Allah to decide. 

Forgive me Allah, for the times I thought that my plan is better than Yours. 



Seeing the old posts, Mak was right. There are sooo many things that I have learned from the unfortunate event, or should I call,,, a very hikmahful event. I didn't get the chance to further the study in my favourite field like most of my friends because of the glitch but I learned a lot more important lessons at my own pace here in Malaysia. Sure, initially I felt envious of my friends who managed to pursue our drams; flying overseas, visiting one another from continent to continent.. and so on but I have come to accept that the path is not meant for me. My path here is as colourful and fulfilling as well. 

Mind you, I didn't even know how to do a lot of things before. But I discovered a lot of new fun things which I made into hobbies. 

Unlike my sister, I didn't think I spent a lot of time with my parents before because I was in boarding school but I have more chances to see them now :) and I couldn't be more blessed.

The people that Allah had encountered me with, taught me a lot about facing life. All of the small and big things around me, somehow made me feel glad that Allah has specifically chosen this beautiful path for me.
One insignificant thing in my life had led me to more major things.
And I couldn't be more glad.

Looking forward to unlocking more delightful obscurities :)

"I want to do something that defines me."

"Mayra, you should do Multimedia for your master's study."

"But Nana, I don't want to !"

"But you're so good at it."

"But I don't want to."

"Whatever . I'm just suggesting."

Those two continued to lay out their arguments and reasonings and I just kept on driving, heading home after our late dinner. Future plan. Sounds easy but can be life changing. I'm also not sure of what I really want to do. 

"Lucky you, Mayra. At least, you're good at something and here I am, still don't know what I'm capable of," Nana let out a long held sigh and gazed out of the window. The sky was pitch black despite the humid weather. The sight of the stars was barely visible from down here and the moon shone with a pallid slice of light, most of it covered by the clouds.

She slouched back in her seat as she continued, "I wish I don't have to do something I don't like ... but the thing is, I don't know what I like !" So, that's what had been tormenting her mind since dinner. 

The car decelerated as the traffic lights in front of us turned red and we queued behind other cars. I slowly shifted the gear stick to Neutral and replied, "There are a lot of things you can do,,,"

"Yeah, Nana. You write sooo well. I will buy your book if you write one !" Mayra chimed in from the back seats. That was undeniably true. Nana can write, she has passion for it. Her language is eloquent, her choice of words is unquestionable and her perspective is always refreshing although sometimes can trigger the minds of the norm; still, I find her notions to my liking. 

I listed down the jobs which demand for good writers/authors and she just shook her head, rejecting the idea of being a writer. Doesn't define herself enough, she said. 

I can understand that. We always want to do something that suits our personality and traits. Of course, we can always follow the route that people pointed us to but by the end of the day, happiness comes from being satisfied of what we really are, of what defines us. 

"Look at Vivy. She studied law, struggled and all but in the end, she ventured into fashion and she LOVES what she's doing. Dina, for example, she's a dropout but then, she began designing her own lines and jewellery. And now, she's acknowledged as one of the muslim fashion icons in UK. I mean, those people knew what they wanted." 

My lips curled into a smile. I have not known this girl for a year or two. I have lived with her the longest, after my family. She always worries about silly things, about uncertainty, of the oblivion and obscurity. "How about something related to directing ?" and my suggestion was replied with a frown. "I have seen you as a director. Twice. I have worked with you and I know how great you can be. And passion ? You have the drive. Once you set your mind on how you want the play to be, you will set it right. You will make sure it come out as what you have in your head."  She let out another sigh , followed by a sluggish "I don't knoooow..." and Mayra butt in again with , "Yeah Nana. I can help you with anything I can !" 

I continued, "You know what makes those people successful ? It's the people behind them, who has been supporting them through their ups and downs. Vivy has Fadza. They build the empire together. And Dina has Sid, supporting her from the very beginning with the shootings and all."

"So sekarang you nak I cari jantan lah ?"  she replied, forcibly laughing in her cracked voice. Nana's about to cry. I could sense she was. 

"Not what I was trying to say but boleh lah. Haha. Noo. What I was saying is, just know that you have us. We will support you. I will help you with all my might and Mayra will help you with all her might. You have your own version of Fadza and Sid. Just know that. You can rely on us."  

The cars in front of began to move and I hit the pedal again, making a turn to our destination. The discussion lasted for another good hour as the night went by and the rest is history, shared with the night and the invisible stars.
One day, we might forget this tete-a-tete we had  but one thing for sure,
I will remember,
we once had a dream.
A dream to become someone that brings out the definition of who we really are.
A dream, undecided but big enough, that we need one another to rely on...

I rarely keep our silly conversation in my blog but this one, I really have to. Blog has been my time capsule for years. If I turn 30 and reread this, still looking for the meaning of life, I wish I am happy with what I'm doing :) Hi future Anis, I hope you're doing just fine. And if you're not, know that this life is not ultimate. What matters the most is the afterlife. 

May you have Allah's blessings in what you're pursuing. 

'Jangan sampai terlalu sibuk mengejar dunia sampai lupa tujuan di akhirat .' :) 

New member of the house

I would like to announce that ...

I am now a Mother !
I am now officially nurturing... a pot of baby aloe vera !

So a few days ago, Nana came home with "Anis, LOOK !" , face plastered with ear-to-ear smile as she pointed at a pot of aloe vera on the table.

uncanny

A week before, she had texted me that she's gonna bring the plant because she's going to need the gel for her DIY facial mask. And I was like, "Aaa okay. So? What am I supposed to do with this information?"
"But can you take care of it for me?"
" ....."
"I'll give you some of the gel."
"......" 

So that's the story of how I became a Mom to Vera Wang. Yeah I decided to name it Vera Wang because ye know... Aloe Vera, , ,Vera, Vera Wang.  *blows nails*
I initially wanted to name it Aloe Vader but decided to go with a girl name which is more fitting for our all-girls-household. 

On another note, I am yet to know if I'm capable of taking care some MUTE plant . I mean, cats meow whenever they're hungry, right ? and humans would go "Anis, I lapar," if they're hungry , right ? 

But with plants ?

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I ... don't know. What if I forget to water it ?!
Well,
Letushopeitwillnotdiesoon

Anyway, I saw Nana literally screaming at the plant only this evening, "GROW FASTER ! AND LET ME HARVEST YOU ! GROW!" and the inner 'Mom' in me jut went

Everyone knows babies have their own pace at growing ! How. dare. you. push. my. Vera. 

You, missy. Ain't be gettin' any gel from my baby. Uh. Uh. No. Shoo.