2021

This blog was created when I was 17 and and it has recorded countless memories, be it sorrow or joy.

Years of growth recorded through writings, where emotions were the most raw, genuine and vulnerable, and not a single day of regret come to me for being as frank as I have ever been here. In fact, it's my proudest credo.

Can't believe how much I've grown into the person that I am today, passing through lives, having people walking in and out of my episodes; contributing to the woman that I am. 

I used to be very immature, where I only saw my surroundings based on on my personal p.o.v. and was too quick to judge others, which consequently blinded my perceptions. It took a whole bunch of people and personal reflections for me to come into realization and be aware of my misguided belief. Of course, having written pieces for you to reread your thoughts and reflect on your behaviours only made you grow more. And for that, I’m glad that I kept them here, where I can personally witness my growth.

What adulthood has taught me (well, so far) is how to erase certain types of mentality and embrace whatever outlandish quirks that people possess. Acceptance and adaptability go hand in hand; not severely dichotomising towards extremity. You learn to accept people for who they are and you learn how to adapt. Not bending them to your ruler (although in term of educating the young feeble minds, this trait becomes necessary hehe)

Short escapade with my petals

The last time I saw both Nana and Mayra was last year, and since then, it's getting more and more difficult to arrange our schedule to meet. After a few voice notes, disagreements, and shouting at one another, we finally agreed on spending three days and two nights in the heart of KL (di bulan Ramadhan pulak tu dimana kau tak boleh nak food hunt pun and too tired to do anything hanya mampu berhuhu pandang each other). The initial plan for our Petals trip this year was to visit Jose in Shanghai but since Mayra will be flying to UK this September (yaaaay so happy for her), we had to cancel it and met here instead. Alas, our last minute decision was what brought us here, which I believe was the best piece of idea that we could mutually agree on this year. Finally *sigh.

We had a blast of time and this had been the most relaxing + stress free weekend ever since I've started working last February.

There weren't many photos taken as we spent most of our time in the room, leeching on one another like a set of Siamese triplets hahaha. Felt so good to be surrounded by familiar faces whom are brutally honest with you and where you can just be yourself ;) 

On our last day, we watched the final episode of Game of Thrones together and it was so chaotic that we broke a glass haha. 

Let's do this at least twice a year, okay!

Declining proposals because that's what I do now

Nana and Mayra are currently in KL for their job interview while I'm home, turning into Hulk (because green, geddit?) about their trip 😞.

As they were discussing the possibilities for them to land the job, they sent a video proposal to me, asking me to become their housewife... (which means, once again, I get the chance to control their lives *screamsYESYESYESontopofmylungs) Urgh! Love it when people appreciate you for being a Monica.

Seems like they could not get enough of me for the past four years 💅 and awwww gurls, I'm flattered.

I could totally see the prospect of us living together again. (Gosh, it's so much easier tolerating the people that you already knew, isn't it?) Besides,  I loveeee managing their lives 😂 it can be quite fun sometimes. Although not that I'm going to admit it to them.

Hence, before I could reply "Yes" to them, I did what a proper lady would do: I outlined the benefits that I shall reap from that triangle-love thingy, so that whenever I'm taken for granted, I still have what I need as I pack to leave (gittew).

Hmph. How rude, wanting to pay me with kasih sayang only 😒
No thanks!

#yourloss

P/s: If 'kasih sayang' is a legit currency, it could have been a yes. Just sayin...

Last week, our uni eventually announced the date for our graduation and it suddenly became a wake up call for me. For the past few months, I have indulged myself in the leisure of staying at home, fully committed to the Holy month of Ramadhan (for one whole month!), spent one week of holiday with my family and a few weeks of back to back series which had been piling for the past few months in my 'to-watch' folder. Not to mention, my endless journey to the mall; virtually and physically, to spend every last penny I have in my bank account.

And now, I'm officially broke with no job and is about to attend my convocation.

What a life. 

Nonetheless, seeing the inevitable reminder (about our convocation) from my fellow classmates, I was suddenly made aware that my teenage years of freedom and insouciance will soon be behind me, as reality continuously tosses me with a heap of adult responsibilities *wailing OH NOOOO 96 harakat*

As I struggled to hunt for part time jobs, a close friend of mine, Kubis calmed the sudden storm that was raging inside me. For a few days, I kept on bugging her with my first-world problem, which to me, was like an ailment; not for long, will impoverish me.

In return, I received a very long reply from her. Most of the parts were telling me not to be daunted by people's expectation and I should carry on doing the things that I have longed to do for the past few years. "You always said you do not have enough time to do this and that, try this and that. Well, this is the time that God has given to you. Go and do them! Soon, you'll be working and Goodness knows if you will ever have as much free time," she said.

And as simple as that, her words made me went, "Why didn't I think of that?" because for a short period before that, I was worried of what would happen to me for the next few months, and most importantly, what would people think of a jobless version of Anis. I was worried sick of those insignificant perceptions.

Yes. She was right. I have only a few months left to do the things that I have always wanted to try. And for the next few months, I hope I'll be able to carry them on.

As for the things that I've been worrying about, they will gradually take place, sooner or later. Why should I rush them...

Oh well,

Anis being classic Anis. So overly INTJ on things, always wanting to have plans and backup plans and worrying about what's next. 

Another dosage of 2D (2018)

After soo many events and clashes at the school, I could finally enter 2D today. I think, it has been three weeks since I last entered their class that they thought I didn't want to teach them anymore. Was I mad, they asked Cikgu Pika, who relied that message to me. Hahaha. Little rascals. Scared lah tu.

Today, after 1E, I walked into the class. Some of them were loitering around balcony, some were minding their own businesses and some were running here and there, shouting some inaudible words towards their friends.
I continued to gait into the class and put my things on the table, proceeding to set my projector and laptop on. As if I'm invisible, they ignored me. They were still running here and there despite my presence in the class, and I was too tired to say anything as I just finished teaching in 1E and before that, 1B.

One boy asked, in a broken English, "Teacher, why you angry teacher?"
"I just finished a few classes and I'm still tired," I replied.
I gestured my hands towards the class monitor and he commanded for the class to stand up. They stood up, one voice above another, I could barely hear my own voice as I greeted them. The buzzing noise was still there.
"If you do not stop talking, don't expect to sit down!" and in return, they turned a deaf ear to my warning. I glared at some of them but as expected, I was completely ignored. Okay. Fine.

I adjusted the projector, cleared the teacher's table and did some other little things to take my own sweet time. A few minutes passed by, I resorted to writing on the board,

'Talk if you want to stand longer.' 

Not even 5 minutes passed by and they stopped talking for a few seconds. "Okay. Sit down."

I proceeded with the set induction and things were pretty much under control... although if compared to other classes, you can easily say that it is NOT under control but yeah, things were still fine than most of the times and I'll take what I can.

At least, it was not as bad as my last class with them. With 2D, I’ll take any form of victory that I can. A win is a win.

"It won't come out!"

Nana had been whimpering about her gained-weight these days and I couldn't tell how many times I'd reminded her about the law of attraction, that eventually I just decided to give up trying. Every time the I'm-so-fat-why and followed by long whine came out, I would just nod along with 'yeah yeah I can see that' hahaha.

You see, that woman is nowhere near the definition of overweight! She did outgrow all most of her clothes but WHO DOESN'T ? PEOPLE GROW UP. 

So last week, my aunty finally gave birth to her second son and I took the chance to pay her a visit in Butterworth, leaving Nana all alone in the house. Mayra was also unavailable. Not long after, a few texts chimed in and it sounded very intense with Nana urging

"I'm stuck helpppp"

As I was with my family, I decided to ignore the notification, thinking, 'If it's an emergency, she will call me,' and continued to put the phone on silent.
On my way back home, I checked my WhatsApp while waiting for the traffic and Goodness, I was in regret for not checking it earlier.

It was hilarious!

Even after we got back home, she was still upset because according to her, the whole incident was a sign;- a wake up call for her to lose weight.

"Biasa I basuh botol tak stuck pun! My hand must have gotten bigger," followed by another whine which sounded like a chocked lamb.

Again, we just nodded along. Okay, Nana. Okay. You're getting fatter.