Monday, 14 November 2016

Battling against our fear

"While we're still together, let's make a pact and overcome our fears."

We were having our lunch at that time as the idea suddenly hit me. "I think I have something to deal with before I graduate but I can't recall any." I continued, focusing on Nana who was busy chewing her burger, "Nana, you promised to drive before we grad, right? What was mine , eh ?" I believed I have told her once.

"Really ? I can't recall any." Mouth filled with the juicy meet and bread, she wiped her mouth with a napkin, "But I'm not ready yet! We have like a year left. I can't drive yet!"

Mayra jumped in with, "This is good for you la Nana."

"True. Overcome it while we're still here together. What if we go different ways? It would be harder." I had to agree. However, in my mind, I was still busy searching for the promise I remember making one last year and I can't seem to find any ! What did I really want to overcome? What was it. Urgh. This is hard - when you know it's there but you can't make any sense out of it.

"How about me ? What should I do?" Mayra asked, sipping her green tea frappe and continued munching her fries.

"Hmmm... Throw away Goigoi." She let out a moan of frustration and listed down the reasons why she couldn't do that and how impossible it was ; the reasons which I didn't pay much attention too, knowing very well she wouldn't do it. She even planned to pass it down to her kids after she dies. Poor Mayra's kids. *If you're Mayra's heir and is reading this, know that Aunty had countlessly tried to stop her. Hahaha.

"Hmmm... I don't know. Maybe some progress with Haziq? Like Skyping together." Mayra and Haziq have a very odd relationship to me. They never call each other and Skyping is definitely out of question. How do they survive the 4 years relationship, is also a wonder to me. One is in Australia and one is in Malaysia , yet WhatsApp is the only thing which connects them. Respect. *claps like a retarded seal*
She said no, no. Haziq wouldn't like the idea. As much as she would love to, he will always find excuses and get away from it. Haha. Okay. Cross that one.

"But if you want me to drive, don't let me know okay. It has to be without any notice and instantaneous !" wearing a frown on her face, Nana was still worried about her side of pact. We're already discussing about Mayra and her mind was still all over the place. Driving was like a nightmare she had been avoiding for years ! Mayra and I only laughed at her I-can-throw-up-anytime-thinking-about-driving and only replied with "Yea yeah we will see."

We continued naming our fear.

"Anis, tell your mom.." My mom is the person I love the most and hurting her is the last thing I would do. We argued a lot, that's for sure but when it comes to serious matter, she's the only person I rely on the most. Thus, whenever I have unresolved issues, it scares me to face her. She is fierce but for me, she's just being meticulous and thorough. Nana and Mayra knew about this too, so they have a long list of the 'tell your Mom' series . Hahaha. But most of them are the things she's okay with and not really a fear for me; like, "Tell your Mom you don't wanna be a teacher."  -_- but I want to, and why would I tell her that?

"People. We're talking about fear. A fear we should be able to control because it's good for us."

"Watch horror movies," they said.

And how is watching horror movies good for me ? "A'ah kan. She would be scared and we will be in troubles too. I don't want to teman her every time." Lol. Adoi these two hahaha.
We eventually gave up on mine and continued with Mayra.

Mayra had to endure social anxiety, so talking to someone she's not accustomed with is not something she really look forward to. We settled with, "So, Mayra will conquer her fear of talking to random strangers. Okay ?"

Three of us nodded in unison , except Mayra and Nana had worries on their faces.

We were talking about mine and in the end, it remained unresolved while those two have theirs.

What should I overcome eh ?
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